How to Test A Psychic

"....I sense someone in the audience yes....you! You know someone named John."

"Oh my god! My neighbor's cousin's husband's name is John!"

Come on, people. It seems these days all you need to be a 'real psychic' are a few EMF meters, some frumpy clothing and maybe endorsement from Oprah (yeah, I'm talking to you Sylvia Brown and trim those fucking nails). For those positively obsessed with both proving and disproving psychics, I respect you. People can hold claim to anything that can't be concretely debunked. Sure, it can't be proven. But it can't be disproven either. With that said let's move on.

You'd be surprised to know that a lot of ghost hunters are in fact skeptics on task to dispel some misconceptions. Whatever their intention, ghost hunters are scientists, and use science to provide us with something before them unheard of - evidence. They use many tools but for this you'll probably only need the EMF Detector.

EMF is an acronym for electromagnetic field detector, and is used to...well...detect electromagnetic fields. The significance behind ghosts and electromagnetism can be explained by Einstein's theory that energy can never be extinguished, only transformed. This means that the energy we produce everyday that doctors detect using CAT Scans and EEG maps doesn't just dissipate when we die - it has to go somewhere. Whether this energy is we ourselves or just remnants of us is up for debate, but one thing is for sure - it's there, and EMF detectors can read it. The EMF Detector pictured can be purchased at Ghost Mart for about 100 bucks but they run as cheap as 30 dollars. To me it looks crappy for that price but I guess looks aren't everything.



Here is what you do: You take your psychic friend and your EMF detector and go somewhere that is notorious for hauntings that Suzy Psychic-pants has not been to or heard of. Have her walk around and point in the general direction of spots she deems high in activity. Run the meter around it and if it goes off, don't stop there. Keep looking. Base her credibility on the number of hits and misses. Scientists are happy, psychics are happy. Everyone is happy.

Granted, you cannot rely on a machine any more than you can rely on flawed man, for machines are the flawed fruits of man's labor. In a world built from the hands of the flawed human race you can only survive in certainty by taking from life only what you know to be true and leaving the rest behind. That is all for now.